overthinking is the weight we carry unnecessarily

every now and then (ever since the resignation), I sit down with my own thoughts. but let's make it clear, I have always been sitting down with my own thoughts. what makes it different this time?

I got more than enough time to properly sit through the waves of emotions that comes with every string of thoughts as I am unemployed.

rolling left-right on my mattress, sipping through hot chocolate drinks, barefoot walking on the grass (fake) small garden at my parents' house, afternoon brisk walks under the beaming sun rays, and many other occasion on life throughout those roughly 100 days. yes, I got so much time to let myself be one with my own thoughts, but also learn how to pull myself out of it when it consumes my mind a little too much.

and during those period of cruising myself through thoughts and emotions, were the time I somehow slowly learn that...

overthinking is the weight we carry unnecessarily.

found somewhere but I couldn't really remember. ctto.

I might sound like a douche for saying so, and to some who know me a little too well might think I'm such a fool for omitting this very opinion. I am probably the worst kind of an overthinker myself, hence the realization would sound so paradox for those people. and all of the above would just be true enough accordingly. (overthinking as is already)

on a more truer words to myself and to such realization as if it is not a very general phrase or advice enough, this could especially be even more relatable for those reaching or in their mid-20s as the saying goes "around 24-25, your frontal lobe starts to properly formed" - that being said that around that age, one start to think a lot clearly, not much clouded by emotions and unnecessary fear. even better, for someone who might've gone so many episodes of rebirthing self-identity at every new place, or having tough upbringings, or simply have just experienced enough of the cruelty the world could offer; nothing will scare them anymore.

I have been walking with better breaths eventually, I got a lot stronger to pull myself out of the grey clouds before my black dogs could reach me, I am better at surfing my own waves though I still have those tough moments, and more other betters to say that - I am not overthinking-free at all, it still happens. at times, my ribcage still tightens, for stupid or for acceptable reasons, it still happens, it still very much hurts, very much scary to live in my own head; but I am the one who stepped in to save myself these days. all of this to say, overthinking is one of the many weight of life that I have learnt how to put aside for a moment when all else is a lot heavier, when sometimes it may weigh a thousand pounds more than it should look like, and on some days I may have distributed the weight all throughout the day and have each of them their own time.

and to realize that, I am the only person that I need at the end of the day.