A Year Older, A Year Wiser... They Said

Age is just a number, but numbers don't simply add up for nothing. And perhaps it doesn't add up beautifully and reasonably not we have chosen or by destiny written by God- to stay alive. I'm smirking at my ownself that I put such hopeful adjectives in describing life. Perhaps, in the deepest side of my unconsciously conscious mind, I do hope for things in life to turn out good, or at least it teaches me to see it from a 'good' side or maybe then, I'll have to be the one making it good the way I want it to be- good.

Years have passed, and as much as I want to think that I am old and wise enough- God would later send me more chapters of my life for me to learn one after another lessons, undenyingly humbles me down every single time, proving that no matter how many years have passed, have I lived, I am yet to be old and wise enough. I don't do the right decisions all the time, as much as I want to push myself to be the best, I am also the one who brings me down every now and then. I'm exhausted, thus why I think I have completely matured but no, honey... You're just 2 years into your 20s. Severely exhausted soul and mind made you feel like life's too much at 22. But then in this lifetime, humans do not live longer than 100, not even up to their 80. In a way, this is a very justifying reason as to why I feel like I'm dragging a whole load of burden lah kan? 20/100 or 20/80 is already consuming one fourth of my lifetime energy. Yeah, I am a weakass.

But hey, I'm still going. Still surviving very firmly, still laugh at silly jokes and still smile at strangers, still engage in small talks, still am making friends, still entertain those who made themselves bothered by my existence for no reason, still work and thrive for the purpose of money- and through all these I made understood how each time I managed to live for another year, it had made me wiser. I get wise through all the small and seemingly ridiculous happenings in my life. And having big occassions that hurt me throughout each timeframe of a year, made me more humane and sane(r).

And to this timeline of 22,

I pray and hope for nothing more than to just being able to go through it all again, but stronger, more patience and being more thoughtful of what has God written for me.