What is life but a fleeting moment?

I drafted this entry with different story to tell but now I actually think it's best for me to reflect on the very fleeting moments this year had gone (almost) by.

This year was and is... unexplainable. Couldn't described it prettily yet it was not that awful.

I am 2 years pass the due date I promised to put my breathe to an end. I sort of, did, that. Life did that. God, especially, did that.

The first 6 months of life this year were pretty somber, or gray at most. I was neither on the top of the world nor was I at the rock bottom. But my gray is progressing in different shades each time, if I could actually rely on my memory. I hope that counts as a progress. It wasn't easy to stay on the same path for a long time. But hey, God arranged great times towards the last few months of this year for me!

I walked through a 15km marathon within 3-4 hours. I know it doesn't sound much to a runner, or those in the field, but IT IS BIG for someone like ME. It was a last minute decision, made exactly A FEW HOURS BEFORE the marathon itself. It was unofficial. I didn't get to borrow anyone's bib. But in the end, I did it. I started it, and I ended it. Throughout the time, of course, a loser like me wanted to just give up, a part of me resent myself for even starting. It started cold at 7am-ish, but it ended hot as hell around 11.30am-ish. I almost threw a tantrum for not being able to claim my medal that qualifies me being the finisher but one of my dear aunts gave up hers for me. That marathon, it taught a lot. It taught me that, starting is difficult, but not starting and overthinking the aftermath is harder on myself. When I started something, I am supposed to finish it. Along the way, the devilish thoughts, they would always flood me, but I am stronger than my thoughts. I am not my thoughts if I actually do against it. It taught me that if my thoughts is uncontrollable, I am able to control myself at least, I can control my actions against or through the thoughts. And that the power to not listening and BE my thoughts is in my hands. I learnt that God's kind and He functions however He wants, not the way how I wish he is supposed to be. I understood patience on a different level. 

ps: re-reading and posting this entry 2 years later- feels right. it sits in the draft for a rzn. for a good reason.

Life IS indeed, a fleeting moment.